Another Name, Another Number

Another name,
another number,
in a world so rife with sickness
Yet we still don’t understand it
and we don’t know how to fix this.

Just a figure, ever growing
as the world can’t see the issue
calls them cowardly and weak
pass their family some tissues.

“We all have bad days”
“Get over it”
“It’s all inside your head”

It’s not normal to hate living
and to wish that you were dead.

How dare you claim you’ve been there
claim that you’re the better man
this is not a competition
you should help them if you can.

Every year the same old story
someone’s life cut short, dead end,
This is suicide, depression,
not some phase or current trend.

~ Andrew
The recent suicide of Chester Bennington has been on my mind the past few days and whilst I was not a huge Linkin Park fan some of their songs really stuck with me. Over 6000 people in the UK alone committed suicide in the latest statistics for 2015 (6188 to be exact, a further 451 in the Republic of Ireland), that’s almost 20 per day yet we still don’t seem to have enough help available for those suffering

That being said there is help available and I urge anyone reading this that feels they may need help to reach out to one of these numbers
National Suicide Hotline:
UK: 116 123 (Samaritans) – or email jo@samaritans.org
USA: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) – (National Suicide Prevention Helpline)
Rest of the World: Hotlines

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Yesterday was great
so good to see you for a bit,
but today’s a little darker
and everything is shit
You see when everything is average
there’s no good or bad around
nothing but mediocrity
no excitement in the sound
There’s no buzz inside my body
there’s no smile on my face
there’s just me and four white walls
and I’m just a waste of space
I can’t summon up the energy
to leave the house alone
but I need a little sunshine
to offset this tragic tone.

~ Andrew

My Mind’s Creation

Every night.
You. Me.
Be it stations or concerts
my mind is set free.
You put me through hell
give me nightmares and pain
but you’re just a creation
of my unconscious brain.

You have familiar faces
and familiar sounds,
with familiar smells
or familiar grounds.
You’re not quite the same
though you’ve tricked me before
I’ll wake up in a moment,
take control back once more.

~ Andrew
My 16th poem of NaPoWriMo. This one focused around my dreams, particularly the more immersive ones (that sometimes carry through into the first few moments after I’m awake – I can often lie down again, close my eyes and see what would have happened next

Describe In Three Words

Three words to describe
some event in my life
be it moments of happiness
or moments of strife

Fear, Anxiety, Panic
My most dominant three
They make up so many firsts
throughout my memory

Joy would be there sometimes
accompanied by friends
or solitude and TV shows
no relationships or trends

See my feelings are erratic
at least the good ones are
there are no three words describing
every smile from afar
or every human interaction
that I hold in high esteem
I need more words for explanations
of exactly what I mean
when I say that I was happy
it is more than just content
it’s an overwhelming feeling
almost like it’s heaven sent.

~ Andrew
I’m a sucker for emotions, I cling on to the happier moments in life because as someone who gets stuck in pits of negativity it’s hard to know when the next burst of happiness will come. My 15th poem of NaPoWriMo

Target

Aiming high,
a personal best.
A challenge you set
a personal test.

Self expectation,
Focus, dedication
Targets and tasks
a resolute demonstration

An astronaut might
truly aim for the stars,
set a relative goal
no more raising of bars

Self emulation,
to better yourself
can be good for your work
but not for your health

Not everything written
or spoken
or heard
can be seen as your best
because that is absurd

A target is simply a goal
that you set
Not an absolute best
not as good as you get.

~ Andrew
Not everything has to be better than the last thing you did. I’ve come to realise this. Some of my poems I compare to poems I wrote in the past and think ‘this one isn’t as good as that one’ and it’s an unhealthy mentality to have but also a difficult one to break. My 14th poem for NaPoWriMo

Chores for Charity

Chores,
laborious,
unwanted
and slow
But volunteer help
and how quickly they’ll go.

Simply doing a job
doesn’t have to feel taxing

do your jobs with a smile
and you’ll soon be relaxing.

As I’ve grown up
I’ve noticed, for every good deed you do
you can accomplish a task
that may benefit you

I believe acts can be selfless
but if you need motivation
offering help round the house
is a decent foundation

from which you can build
into compassion and tenderness,
charity too
It may start with a chore
but the good comes from you.

~ Andrew
As a kid I didn’t like jobs. I thought that was what adults did but having lived away from home with my own responsibilities I’ve realised what a huge difference a little bit of effort can make. This is my 13th post in the month of April for NaPoWriMo,

Productivity: Zero

I’ve reached productivity: zero,
it’s the lowest a student can go
the sun starts the day
and by night I can say
that I truly have nothing to show

Tomorrow I swear will be better
I’ll get work done I know that I can
but come evening once more
I’ll just glance at the floor
Guess my coursework did not go to plan

~ Andrew
Amidst trying times on slow internet I present a poem bemoaning my awful rate of productivity during the holidays. Day 13 of NaPoWriMo I hope you enjoyed 🙂