Feeding Demons

My demons are hungry.
They’re loose in my mind,
devouring every last thing that they find

They want me to suffer
they bring only pain
as they venture through every last part of my brain

I don’t want to feed them
but they keep coming back
They want my surrender as the darkness attacks

I can’t keep on fighting
there’s this feeling of dread,
when my demons are hungry
they won’t stop ’til they’re fed.

~ Andrew
Another poem about the bad days

Advertisements

Restless

A hundred names are on my mind
as I’m lying in my bed
and I give them my attention
but I’d rather sleep instead

I’m awake and yet I’m dreaming
I bring echoes of the past
but like every fading echo
they will dissipate too fast

I am sick of lying here
without rest without release
let me fall into my slumber
give me comfort give me peace

~ Andrew
I have a fair amount of trouble sleeping. Some days I fall asleep out of nowhere, often when I don’t intend to (I have to be lying down for it to happen but it can be frustrating)

2 Haiku About Winter

~ Winter Comes
The world has gone cold,
As the snow begins to fall.
Winter makes its mark

~ Racing Winter 
Icy breaths erupt
A sharp pain within my lungs
Running in Winter

~ Andrew
Looking out at the snow got me in the mood for some winter themed Haiku, nothing flashy but I thought I’d put them in a post together since they share the same point of inspiration

 

Career

At 16 I was told
I had to know what I would be,
I had to take a leap of faith
and choose the path that’s best for me.

By 18 I progressed
I was at University,
a new struggle, independence
as I worked for my degree.

At 21, my work is done
I’m almost past the line,
but still I am unsatisfied
this faulty brain of mine

Then 26, my five year plan
I cannot look through time
and I can’t look down the ladder
I must focus on the climb

~ Andrew
As I come to the end of my degree (assuming I pass my final modules) I wanted to take a look at the last few years and how they have lead me to be where I am now, then a little bit of looking forward (for me to look back on in 5 years and to see if I made it)

Passing Comment

Those words you say meant nothing,
cut much deeper than a knife.
They walk around my conscience
and they plague my daily life

The words that you thought
were just an innocent joke.
Form the rope to constrict me
and the promise you broke.

and those words never mattered
until they mattered to me.
But they mould my emotions
and they shape who I see

When I look in the mirror
it’s the words staring back
they are wrinkled and ugly
and dirty and cracked.

They are echoes of horror,
they are reflections of shame,
they are demons I summon
by calling your name

~ Andrew
Another redraft, it got longer. Been working on something that involves a fair bit of poetry so I’ve been getting burnt out on that and not really writing anything myself

Andy-Depressants

I want the whole world to be happy,
but I left myself out of that group
I pick myself up just to knock myself down
and I’m endlessly stuck in a loop

With no detours to force me to exit
and no signs to point me the right way
I’m addicted to Andy-Depressants
to keep all other feelings at bay

I must live in this world of depression
I’ve been building this city for years
With bricks of the body I’ve broken
all cemented with pity filled tears

I will always amount to be nothing
Every smile will be met with a wall
I’m too tired to try to move past it
the first hurdle is where I will fall

~ Andrew
Some days it’s not just the world that conspires to bring me down, but my mind as well

Verbal Abuse

I grew up an adjective,
Nothing more than a description.
A depiction of every flaw in me
not defined by myself
but by what others see.

These words grew in strength
as they stuck like a glue
and they weighed on my mind
even though they weren’t true.

They are the echoing voices
inside of my head,
a constant reminder
of everything said.

Every word to insult me,
every weakness I show,
were my bones when you broke them,
from the stones you would throw.

I was abused by some words,
that exceeded my age,
too naive to find meaning
I was trapped in your cage
where the bars were cold steel
just as cold as my heart,
all I’ve known
is the ways
words can tear us apart.

And I’m sick of waking up
to the same words still ringing
the dictionary of disaster
as the chorus is singing
and our tears become rivers
which will flow into streams
drowned by all the cruel words
which manifest in our dreams.

Today.
I am no longer defined
by narrow minded hatred
No longer bound
by chains made of thorns
I fought with my demons
took the bull by the horns

I’ll be the definition
that I wanted to be
fuelled by pain and ambition
the best version of me.

~ Andrew
Should name it Second Draft Sundays but that implies I’m going to be consistent and I know that is one word that does not define me in the slightest. Speaking of consistent, I seem to jump between positive and negative more than a geometric sequence with a negative number as the common ratio