My Tears Don’t Matter

Men don’t cry,
I tell myself
whilst wiping tears away,
I hide inside my room and weep
can’t keep the streams at bay.

The rivers they come rolling
the waterfalls beat down,
my pillow is the plunge pool
but I fear my mind will drown.

There are oceans of emotions,
crashing waves of my distress.
I feel my tears don’t matter;
like my thoughts are something less.

All this time my mind is sinking
but these feelings I dismiss,
as my tears run down my face
and as I scream in the abyss.

~ Andrew
Somewhat inspired by the anime ‘Your Lie In April’

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Feeding Demons

My demons are hungry.
They’re loose in my mind,
devouring every last thing that they find

They want me to suffer
they bring only pain
as they venture through every last part of my brain

I don’t want to feed them
but they keep coming back
They want my surrender as the darkness attacks

I can’t keep on fighting
there’s this feeling of dread,
when my demons are hungry
they won’t stop ’til they’re fed.

~ Andrew
Another poem about the bad days

Passing Comment

Those words you say meant nothing,
cut much deeper than a knife.
They walk around my conscience
and they plague my daily life

The words that you thought
were just an innocent joke.
Form the rope to constrict me
and the promise you broke.

and those words never mattered
until they mattered to me.
But they mould my emotions
and they shape who I see

When I look in the mirror
it’s the words staring back
they are wrinkled and ugly
and dirty and cracked.

They are echoes of horror,
they are reflections of shame,
they are demons I summon
by calling your name

~ Andrew
Another redraft, it got longer. Been working on something that involves a fair bit of poetry so I’ve been getting burnt out on that and not really writing anything myself

Andy-Depressants

I want the whole world to be happy,
but I left myself out of that group
I pick myself up just to knock myself down
and I’m endlessly stuck in a loop

With no detours to force me to exit
and no signs to point me the right way
I’m addicted to Andy-Depressants
to keep all other feelings at bay

I must live in this world of depression
I’ve been building this city for years
With bricks of the body I’ve broken
all cemented with pity filled tears

I will always amount to be nothing
Every smile will be met with a wall
I’m too tired to try to move past it
the first hurdle is where I will fall

~ Andrew
Some days it’s not just the world that conspires to bring me down, but my mind as well

Social Comedown

Yesterday was great
so good to see you for a bit,
but today’s a little darker
and everything is shit
You see when everything is average
there’s no good or bad around
nothing but mediocrity
no excitement in the sound
There’s no buzz inside my body
there’s no smile on my face
there’s just me and four white walls
and I’m just a waste of space
I can’t summon up the energy
to leave the house alone
but I need a little sunshine
to offset this tragic tone.

~ Andrew

Rock Bottom and Beyond

I don’t wish to call it rock bottom
because one day I could find myself deeper.
What lies beyond could be darker,
A monster, a demon, the reaper?

~ Andrew
Just a little thought today for Day 4 of NaPoWriMo. Been ill for the past few days and it has really drained me. Fully intend to have something every day even if it’s just a simple thought

Roundabout

She smiled up at me,
like a ray of sunshine
I felt warm

Her cheeks turned red
as I kissed her head softly,
holding her hand in mine

Perfection,
no other words could describe
the woman in my arms.

She didn’t see it coming,
wrong way on the roundabout,
but still
she smiled up at me.

~ Andrew
Inspired by a prompt on Reddit where the first line is happy and upbeat and the last line, being the same as the first, is dark and chilling. Not sure mine is a perfect fit for the prompt itself but I felt I’d share it here regardless.